he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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