yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
