I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
