How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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