I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
