My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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