You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
