don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
