that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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