Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize