1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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