I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
