from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.