ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it