I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!