Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work