I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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