Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
