I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
