Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
a search helicopter?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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