Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
