There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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