So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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