Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
