my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
