I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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