I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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