YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are we still banned from the library?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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