Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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