my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
