how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
