that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
