walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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