I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize