I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just had sex on a roof
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
