And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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