I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
