He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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