that's an acceptable place to lick
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
