He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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