Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm always down for nudity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
