break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
