i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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