i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
