Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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