2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
