The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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