just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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