Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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