he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
