its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
