I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
