Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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