She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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