Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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