He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my poor anus
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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