haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
