I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
