I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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