If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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