I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
