bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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