Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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