Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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