I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
