im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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